NH has lost three women to domestic violence in the last two months. This is unacceptable.  Seven children are now without parents because of the violent acts committed by their fathers. This is a level of violence we never expect to have to cope with on a family level yet one in four NH women experience physical violence in their lifetime at the hands of their partners. How do we explain to these children that their mothers were killed by their fathers?

The question has been raised: could this have been prevented? Fingers have  already been pointed in anger as the community and the families struggle to make sense of this. The fact remains that these men were determined to control their partners at any cost. They had already developed and received reinforcement for using controlling thinking and abusive behavior. They had not been challenged or experienced any consequences when they became violent.

How can we as a community be better at recognizing violence for what it is and stepping up when we witness it? Bystander involvement is pivotal in recognizing and stopping domestic violence. It is no longer okay to turn a deaf ear the shots and shoves heard through the wall. We start in pre-school teeling kids that it is not okay to put your hands on someone else without their permission. When did that change if you were 15? 20? or 80? and just because you are in a relationship with that person?

Be a concerned neighbor. If someone looks like theyare in trouble, they probably are. Tell your neighbor: I have noticed a lot of yelling lately, if you ever need help, I’m here for you. You might be surprised by their answer. They may tell you they already have a protective order and would you call the police next time.

It’s kind of like bullying, when one person stands up to a bully, they usually get knocked down. But if the entire playground stands up to the bully, the bully needs to find a new way to be on the playground. It’s the same for people who use battering behavior. Stand up to them and they will have to learn a new way.

Roman Polanski was convicted of drugging and sexually assaulting a 13 year old girl and then jumped bail to avoid his sentence and the consequences. There is nothing to feel sorry about on his behalf. He agreed to plead guilty and then dodged responsibility by leaving the country. This is an example of a perpetrator not accepting responsibility for his actions. His victim has lived with the fall out of his actions. Not only that, he has continued to work and accumulate financial and other resources in the 30 years since his conviction. Some of those resources should be given to the victim and other victims through the victim assistance fund.  Mr. Polanski is a convicted sex offender and should be treated as such.

Stop Rape and Abuse – The Blog is finally up and running.

www.StopRapeAndAbuse.com , The Blog, is an effort by Theresa Murphy and Dennis Mahoney, the creators of LIVE: Lessons In Violence Evasion, to get the enormous amount of information available from woman’s support organizations out to women before they experience violence in their life. We will be adding authors and information as soon as we can. If you’re involved in a support organization or are a blogger about woman’s issues and would like to contribute to Stop Rape and Abuse – The Blog please contact us at
info@LessonsInViolenceEvasion.com